Warriors Wiki talk:Books

The Sight/Chapter 8 ~ Silver Nomination
Watch out The Sight chapters, here I come! Comments? 03:33 Wed Mar 9

In the last paragraph, it has "he" three sentences in a row and sounds a little redundant. Can you fix it?

Updated 22:29 Wed Mar 9

Hi this is my first time commenting, I hope I don't sound too harsh. ^_^ Can you add a comma to the third sentence in the first paragraph? In the second sentence of the second paragraph, Jaypaw is mispelled as Japaw. Also add a comma to the same sentence. In the same paragraph, a semicolon is mistakenly used. In the eighth paragraph, the word hearing is misspelled as hear. In the last paragraph, apprentice is misspelled.

Updated Thanks for pointing all of those out, Songheart! Don't worry, you don't sound too harsh; the point of PB is making the articles better by giving feedback anyways :3 Also, if there is ever something minor that should be changed, such as a spelling or grammar mistake, feel free to change it yourself if you want ^.^ 02:08 Sat Mar 12

Comments before vote? 19:34, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

The Sight/Chapter 9 ~ Silver Nomination
Poor lil' Jaypaw... Comments? 23:24 Wed Mar 9

Could you fix this run-on? "He thinks that if Brightheart won’t show him the territory, he would explore it himself, and start by going toward the lake; the scents of water and wind excited him."(paragraph 5)

and

Here, it says "easy" twice, and it sounds a tad bit redundant. Your choice though. "Climbing the slope and following ridge is easy, and when he comes to the end of it, Jaypaw is prepared for the steepness of the slope. He scrabbles down and heads away from the Thunderpath, in the opposite direction of the one from yesterday. Jaypaw follows the side of the ridge through the trees, which is easy for him. "(paragraph 6)

Updated 03:03 Thu Mar 10

In the second paragraph, he'll is misspelled. In the sixth paragraph, the sentence where Jaypaw frees his paws from the peat needs commas. And is misspelled in the seventh paragraph. Heatherpaw's name is misspelled when she is introduced.

Fixed 15:00 Sat Mar 12

Comments before vote? 19:34, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

Thunder Rising/Chapter 7 ~ Silver Nomination
Ay. Comments?

Resigning cause the date was screwed up on my sig before.:3

1. In the 2nd-to-last paragraph, He mentions some dogs that he and Thunder had run into with some of Clear Sky's cats earlier that day. is a fragment I think and it sounds too short imo. There are also more short sentences in the last two paragraphs that I think should be combined.

2. In the last paragraph, He tells them that this is enough and tells them that they have to be united or they'd have no hope in the future. 'Tells' is redundant.

3. Can you explain the fight a little bit more? It just says that Cloud and Shattered start arguing and eventually fighting, but that it is stopped. Could you add a bit more detail to their actual fight?

4. Also, I think that Acorn Fur and Lightning Tail might appear, that's what the summary implies, could you just check that cite to make sure? 02:52 Fri Mar 11

Fixed The summary sorta implied Acorn Fur and Lightning Tail's appearance, but they are only mentioned so I tweaked the summary. Tbh i couldn't expand the fight too much cause he literally just challenges Shattered Ice, and then Shattered Ice leaps on him so...

With the new detail in the last paragraph, it says 'you' several times, which it shouldn't in a chapter summary. 22:35 Fri Mar 11

Fixed

This sentence from the third paragraph needs a comma:

Shattered Ice challenges Tall Shadow, saying that she let Wind and Gorse leave but let a kittypet stay.

In the same paragraph, gray and white should be spelled as gray-and-white.

This sentence should have a comma: Hawk Swoop agrees with Shattered Ice and yowls out Gray Wing's name, while Cloud Spots shoulders his way forward but his voice is drowned out by the yowling in the clearing.

In the last paragraph, the third sentence should be written in present tense.

Fixed

Eclipse/Chapter 21 ~ Silver Nomination
It's been a while since I actually wrote something for PB. Comments? 01:23 Fri Mar 11

What are you talking about? You write a /freaking ton/ for PB compared to most people. Anyways, fix the second sentence in the last paragraph, it's a run-on. Also, the very last sentence is a bit short, could you maybe merge it with another sentence or make it longer?

Resigning cause the date was screwed up on my sig before. :3

Updated Haha, actually I don't think I've written a subpage for like over a month, I'm just nominating old ones I wrote several months ago. But yes, they sure have accumulated :3

One more thing, In the second paragraph, "As they enter camp, it is evening, and Jaypaw is relieved that the Clan is just beginning to stir." Should it be morning? idk just seems weird.

and in the 3rd paragraph

"Jaypaw notices that Hollypaww's heart sinks, and he feels sorry for his littermates, for although they snuck out of camp unnoticed, they are will still be punished. " Um,"are will still" which word do you want to use? lol :3

Fixed And no, it says in the book that it's evening. Y'know there was the battle and stuff before so they were probably resting I think. 22:38 Fri Mar 11

In the first paragraph, powerful is mispelled. In the second paragraph, been is mispelled as bee. In the third paragraph, Hollypaw's name is mispelled. In the fourth paragraph, the words hasn't and nest are mispelled. In the next paragraph, be is mispelled. Great work! :)

Fixed Thanks :3 15:07 Sat Mar 12

Eclipse/Chapter 25 ~ Silver Nomination
StarClan bless short chapters. 02:15 Fri Mar 11


 * In the first paragraph, "Hollypaw's tail swishes that ground, and Dustpelt calls if they can get rid of Sol." Could you rephrase Dustpelt's part? Idk it just reads weird if you know what I mean.


 * Lil' run on here, "Firestar declares that ThunderClan will continue their regular routine as they have always done, and that whatever change comes, they will listen to StarClan and use the warrior code as their guide."
 * also the very last sentence of the summary, "He notes that Cinderpelt's destiny has been fulfilled, but wonders about his destiny, and shivers, knowing that the Clans' time is coming to an end and that he and his siblings will be the only ones who can save them."

And there's some past-tense stuff in the 3rd paragraph imo. :3

Fixed And it's not past-tense I don't think, since it's Jaypaw thinking back to how he had once wanted to be a warrior. 02:12 Sat Mar 12

Eclipse/Chapter 24 ~ Silver Nomiation
What a boring chapter, tbh. Oh well it was short. Comments? 04:09 Sat Mar 12 04:09 Sat Mar 12

April FA
Ok let's do this without embarrassing myself. How about Goosefeather's Curse for this month? Or, if possible, I could get TAQ done but that just depends. Probably leave that for May to be quite honest. Idk. Yeah how about Goosefeather's Curse, or Leafpool's Wish maybe? 17:44, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

I think GC would be good, then maybe wait on the TAQ. It would be a ton to write, then it might not be the best of quality if it's hurriedly written.

Wasn't it going to be YS though, because that never was on the front page? If it's going to be a novella though I think LW would be better, since that came out in April too. I'm okay with GC too though. 20:41 Sat Mar 12

Well uh I wrote Path of Stars in one month and it didn't turn out so horribly written??? And I don't know about YS that was an issue ... I'd like a new FA this month and maybe settle on YS for another month. 20:57, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

Rising Storm/Chapter 9 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments?

idk, but the main quote doens't seem to fit that well imo. You can keep it if you want though. Also, I don't think that the important events section should be listed, as it is not even that important since it's not revealed in that chapter that Cloudpaw took food; he only wailed at the twoleg nest door. <span style="">03:52 Sun Mar 13

Fixed Imo all the quotes in that chapter don't really stand out to me anyways, so I just picked another even though I'm not so sure about it...

Fading Echoes/Chapter 1 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments? Btw, I have no clue as to where Mistyfoot and Mothwing should go in the character list... I put them in minor, but I'll change it if needed.

There's a word missing in the main quote (between 'have' and 'destiny') but I don't know exactly what it is and I don't wanna guess wrong. (although I think that the quote should maybe be about Mistystar and Mothwing)

Also, imo it is unnesseacry to say that Ivypaw is her sister when she is first seen in the summary. Also Ivypaw sounds redundant in the first paragraph: " Ivypaw, her sister, stirs beside her and asks if she was dreaming. Ivypaw looks at her sister anxiously and comments that Dovepaw was twitching like a mouse.".

Also, the sentence, "She thinks that she is sorry, and the memory of the long journey and how the traveling cats had destroyed the dam aches in her muscles." idk it sounds kind of odd, especially with the ache in the muscles... Could you like refrase it?

And no, Misty and Moth should be mentioned, as they never actually appeared. Also, there was an error about Brokenstar, but he isn't on the mentioned list. <span style="">04:09 Sun Mar 13

Fixed