Warriors Wiki talk:Books

Sunrise/Chapter 7 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments? 02:39 Sat Apr 2
 * For the quote, it says, "Jayfeather's thoughts on Rock" but I think it should be "Jayfeather thinking about Rock"
 * In the 1st para: "Jayfeather hears Foxpaw complain about going to check the WindClan border, but Ferncloud says there is nothing to be scared of." Is Foxpaw scared while he says this? If he is, I don't think it would be complaining, but rather 'fret', 'worry', etc. seem like it would seem more appropriate.
 * Right after, "Squirrelflight forces Foxpaw to come as her apprentice" This part is kind of confusing with the 'as her apprentice' part, perhaps get rid of that part altogether?
 * In the second-to-last para., 'Mousefur replies that she knows that he was only sent along to make sure the elders would be okay, and that he wouldn't find many herbs in this weather.' I think it would be better to have 'notes' or 'says' or something between 'and' and 'that' after the last comma.
 * In the same paragraph, "Jayfeather consents and walks over the the stick, and lies down." 'and' sounds redundant.
 * In the last paragraph, "Leafpool asks him if that was it and snarls at him that he needs to do what he is supposed to and that there wouldn't be problems if cats would do that." I think it might be too long for one sentence, but 'and' is redundant.
 * Also, there are lots of characters in the character list who appeared but are listed as mentioned. I know that Millie, Daisy, Spiderleg, and their kits are among them, thre might be more.

Updated

I think Blossomkit would be unnamed. Also, I know this is very nit-picky, but I think in other subpages, the 'U' in 'unnamed' is capitalized. 19:22 Sat Apr 2

Fixed

Sunrise/Chapter 1 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments?

Comments before vote? 21:01, March 31, 2016 (UTC)

In the first paragraph, "Lionblaze blurts out that he should have never come at all and Tigerstar never should have trained him, since Brambleclaw isn't his father, or Tigerstar's kin." It's kind of confusing, since I at first thought it meant that Brambleclaw wasn't Tigerstar's kin.

Right after that, "Tigerstar just blinks and narrows his eyes, and Lionblaze realizes that he knew." It's a bit of a fragment compared to the other sentences, and the 'he knew' part could be more detailed.

In the third paragraph, "Thornclaw adds if it had been a WindClan cat, and Lionblaze awkwardly replies that he hadn't, and wishes that it had been true, but it would have caused a war between the two Clans." is a run-on I think, and it's too long for a single sentence.

In the last paragraph, "Sorreltail pads up to him and tells him that Brambleclaw would be worried about him, and that even though her kits are warriors now they are still her kits." Could you perhaps split this into two sentences too? I think it's a run-on, but regardless, 'and' is used to many times.

Also, there are several errors in the character list: Sorreltail's kits should be mentioned unnmaed; Squirrelflight, Dustpelt, and Graystripe appeared and should thus be in the minor list, not mentioned list. 02:28 Sat Apr 2

Eclipse/Chapter 16 ~ Silver Nomination
Imagine how crazy it must have been for the Clan cats, having no clue why the sun is disappearing, and unsure if it will ever come back. When you really think about it, you can truly understand why they were so terrified; I know I would have been. Comments? 00:27 Fri Apr 1

Could you take a quick look over the 1st paragraph? There's a run-on and some stuff just needs tweaking but it's mostly minor so I don't feel the need to list it.

Updated 22:49 Fri Apr 1

The Sight/Chapter 10 ~ Silver Nomination
00:51 Fri Apr 1

The Sight/Chapter 11 ~ Silver Nomination
I vote Graystripe for vice president. Comments? 01:10 Fri Apr 1

In the 2nd paragraph there's a fragment, "Firestar asks how Ravenpaw is." While all the other sentences around it are much longer. And there's 2 ore fragments in the 3rd paragraph Fix it if you feel it needs it.

Updated 22:53 Fri Apr 1

Forest of Secrets/Chapter 5 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments? 19:48 Sat Apr 2
 * In the 2nd half-ish of the 1st paragraph, 'kit' sounds redundant.
 * In the end of first paragraph, "Brindleface quiets him as Fireheart makes his way over to Sandstorm." Could you use a different word then 'him', since it's a bit confusing on if it could also be Thornkit or Fireheart instead of Cloudkit. Although I wouldn't suggest using 'Cloudkit' or 'kit', since both sound kind of redundant, so may I suggest replacing 'him' with 'her foster son'?
 * There's a fragment in P. 2: "Then Tigerclaw also tells him to clean up before he enters the den."
 * Also in that paragraph, "The two kits, Brightpaw and Thornpaw, are given their mentors, Whitestorm and Mousefur." Since they are not kits anymore, perhaps say 'young cats' or 'former kits' or something instead?
 * You might want to link Twoleg bridge to RiverClan. Your choice though.
 * Could you add a transition, like maybe 'later' or something to the 3rd paragraph? It's kind of sudden...
 * In the second-to-last paragraph, 'Mistyfoot assures her that they are decent cats, for ThunderClan anyway.' Maybe, after the comma, say 'at least for ThunderClan' instead, since 'for ThunderClan anyway' just sounds a bit odd on a subpage.

Also, there are some double links from cats linked in the quote description. 19:50 Sat Apr 2

Fixed

Different Sources
So I was going to add a German book to the 2016 publications year, when I realized that the books were already there but had a different publication date. When I looked at the source (Beltz) I saw that it showed a different date than the source I used (Amazon). For example, for Hollyleaf's Story, Beltz says it is released January 2, 2016; Amazon says it is released April 18. So basically, which site is be preferred and should be used for the dates and all that? 02:12 Sat Apr 2

Amazon. Amazon is always usually correct. 05:44, April 2, 2016 (UTC)

Gotta go with Amazon, hut once this discussion comes to a conclusion we might need to glance over the year articles (2011) and make sure they align.

That's what I thought, but isn't preferring Amazon over Beltz like preferring Amazon over HC? Because Beltz is the publisher... idk. 15:22 Sat Apr 2

Perhaps a double citation would work?

But that wouldn't really work for the years, since they are different dates... 17:58 Sat Apr 2

I was actually kinda thinking... perhaps they literally released on different days? The publisher does ,technically, have the right to tell other booksellers that they can't release it until a certain date, then release it themselves a little earlier.

Add both. We did with The Ultimate Guide, when they had conflicting release dates... so I don't see how this is any different. The publisher should take propriety over Amazon, though, but that's just me.

Forest of Secrets/Chapter 27 ~ Silver Nomination
Lol this is so long for such a short chapter

Nah don't worry I always write so much longer than this 17:56 Sat Apr 2
 * This is completely up to you, but in the first sentence, 'Fireheart orders his apprentice to run, and he pelts through the trees, not waiting to see if Cloudpaw can keep up.' perhaps switch the order of 'cloudpaw' and 'apprentice', otherwise it's a bit confusing on who the apprentice is at first.
 * In the second paragraph, 'battle cry' is redundant
 * In the second-to-last paragraph, 'Fireheart thanks Thornpaw, and he nods before rushing over to help Graystripe.' Perhaps say 'the apprentice' or 'the young tom' or soomething instead of 'he', because I think it is Thornpaw but it's a bit confusing on who 'he' is.
 * There's lots of past-tense sections. I fixed it in the first (two?) paragraphs, but there is lots of past-tense in the rest of it.
 * For the character list, all of the characters who are mentioned, except Sandstorm, Whitestomr, and Graystripe appeared, so they should be minor characters.

Updated For the Cloudpaw thing at the beginning, I'd rather keep it that way because it's that way in the book, with his name 2nd. I fixed some past-tense stuff, but much of it is on purpose, and some of the -ing words are adjectives so it should be grammatically correct.

Well, it doesn't need to copy the book, but it's your choice. And there's still some past-tense in the second-to-last paragraph, and I think a few in the 4th. 19:27 Sat Apr 2

Fixed In the 4th paragraph, I think I caught all the incorrect ones because a couple are meant to be there. Just as the one with "had risked" in it, since it was referring to a past event.

In the 4th, I was talking about 'He notes that the former leader was still a formidable fighter, even though he was blind. Fireheart realizes with dread that he was fighting on the side of his old rogue companions, not for ThunderClan, who had risked so much to defend him when he was injured and alone.' I'm not sure if the 'was' could be present-tense though, I'm pretty awful with telling the difference. :P 19:55 Sat Apr 2