Warriors Wiki talk:Books

Forest of Secrets/Chapter 27 ~ Silver Nomination
Lol this is so long for such a short chapter

Nah don't worry I always write so much longer than this 17:56 Sat Apr 2
 * This is completely up to you, but in the first sentence, 'Fireheart orders his apprentice to run, and he pelts through the trees, not waiting to see if Cloudpaw can keep up.' perhaps switch the order of 'cloudpaw' and 'apprentice', otherwise it's a bit confusing on who the apprentice is at first.
 * In the second paragraph, 'battle cry' is redundant
 * In the second-to-last paragraph, 'Fireheart thanks Thornpaw, and he nods before rushing over to help Graystripe.' Perhaps say 'the apprentice' or 'the young tom' or soomething instead of 'he', because I think it is Thornpaw but it's a bit confusing on who 'he' is.
 * There's lots of past-tense sections. I fixed it in the first (two?) paragraphs, but there is lots of past-tense in the rest of it.
 * For the character list, all of the characters who are mentioned, except Sandstorm, Whitestomr, and Graystripe appeared, so they should be minor characters.

Updated For the Cloudpaw thing at the beginning, I'd rather keep it that way because it's that way in the book, with his name 2nd. I fixed some past-tense stuff, but much of it is on purpose, and some of the -ing words are adjectives so it should be grammatically correct.

Well, it doesn't need to copy the book, but it's your choice. And there's still some past-tense in the second-to-last paragraph, and I think a few in the 4th. 19:27 Sat Apr 2

Fixed In the 4th paragraph, I think I caught all the incorrect ones because a couple are meant to be there. Just as the one with "had risked" in it, since it was referring to a past event.

In the 4th, I was talking about 'He notes that the former leader was still a formidable fighter, even though he was blind. Fireheart realizes with dread that he was fighting on the side of his old rogue companions, not for ThunderClan, who had risked so much to defend him when he was injured and alone.' I'm not sure if the 'was' could be present-tense though, I'm pretty awful with telling the difference. :P 19:55 Sat Apr 2

UpdatedWell, I fixed one of them but I personally think it sounds funny. Idk. The others would sound really weird if I replaced them with is so I'm not changing those without another opinion.

Comments before vote? Also it sounds fine. 22:59, April 7, 2016 (UTC)

The Sight/Chapter 16 ~ Silver Nomination
Oh poor, poor Jaypaw! D; 04:14 Sun Apr 3

Comments before vote? 22:59, April 7, 2016 (UTC)

The Sight/Chapter 17 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments? 04:29 Sun Apr 3

Comments before vote? 22:59, April 7, 2016 (UTC)

The Apprentice's Quest/Prologue ~ Silver Nomination
Yay, my first nomination! :3 Comments?

There's a few fragmented sentences in the last paragraph.

Hurrah, your first nomination! Congrats :) I just have a few suggestions: Other than that, this is really good ^^ 22:52 Mon Apr 4
 * In the 1st paragraph, "Mothwing and Willowshine, RiverClan's medicine cats, catch up to them. Jayfeather then urges the small group to catch up with Kestrelflight and Littlecloud." 'Catch up' sounds redundant.
 * In the last paragraph, "Jayfeather prods him and Kestrelflight suggests that the medicine cats of StarClan should speak to their own Clan, thinking that it should be discussed in private with the Clan." 'Clan' sounds redundant.

Changed it. :)

Twilight/Chapter 5 - Silver Nomination
Me: >has an F in like every class

Me: >should be doing homework

Me: >does chapter subpages

Comments? 00:46, April 5, 2016 (UTC)

Yay AshxSquirrel chapter!

23:03 Thu Apr 7
 * In the first sentence, 'island' sounds redudnant.
 * In the 4th paragraph, "She sees Tawnypelt, and she calls out a greeting. Tawnypelt acknowledges her greeting with a flick of her tail." 'greeting' sounds redundant.
 * Also in that paragraph, "Ashfur asks her if she is worried about Brambleclaw, and Squirrelflight replies that she certainly is not. Ashfur doesn't respond, and she adds that she isn't worried about him." It's confusing, because it seems like Squirrelflight said that she isn't worried about Brambleclaw twice. Could you somehow rephrase this?
 * Also, the quote is long... You can keep the whole thing if you want, but imo it's just a bit too long for a quote.

Moth Flight's Vision/Chapter 6 ~ Silver Nomination
Credit to the person who wrote this, I just tweaked it and added a quote. Comments?

Moth Flight's Vision/Chapter 4 ~ Silver Nomination
Comments?

The Apprentice's Quest/Chapter 1 - Silver Nomination
I don't know how long it's been since I've written a subpage, but enjoy.

Could you add a quote?(if there's any good ones)

I'm not even gonna ask when people decided to start adding quotes to subpages... but I did find a decent one, so I added it. 01:36 Sat Apr 9
 * In te 3rd paragraph, "Sadly, Alderkit recalls his two lost littermates, thinking about Juniperkit, who hadn't even a chance to live, and Dandelionkit, who was weak from birth, and eventually died two moons after she was born." Could you move the 'sadly' to after 'Alderkit', (so that it's 'Alderkit sadly recalls...') since it seems like it is unfortunate that Alderkit is thinking about his lost littermates when it is like this.
 * Also in the 3rd paragraph, "Alderkit glances around camp and sees more warriors that could possibly be his mentor, including Lionblaze, Ivypool, and Blossomfall. Although he does not that it probably wouldn't be Blossomfall, Brackenfur, or Rosepetal, as they just got done training Hollytuft, Sorrelstripe, and Fernsong." I think the two sentences should be combined or rephrased, because the second sounds like a fragmant.
 * In the 5th paragraph, "Sparkpaw eagerly asks if they can learn how to hunt, but Molewhisker tells them no." Could you say, 'Molewhisker tells them that they won't' or something like that, since 'Molewhisker tells them no' just doesn't sound very flow-y I guess.
 * Could you add a transition to the beginning of the 7th paragraph?

Alright, I think I fixed it... The one with Rosepetal, Blossomfall, and Brackenfur actually had a typo.. I meant to type 'note', and it makes a bit more sense now.. I hope.

Yep, that part makes sense now. The only thing is, I meant that the transition should be between these two paragraphs:

"Alderpaw asks what their tasks are, and notices the guilty look on Cherryfall's face as she tells them that their new task is to check the elders for ticks.

Alderpaw searches Graystripe's pelt for ticks, although he does not like the task and would rather be curled up and asleep." I don't know if they phsyically walk to the elder's den in the book, but it's kind of sudden, because Cherryfall says they will check for elders, and right after they are in the elder's den. 02:02 Sat Apr 9