Warriors Wiki talk:Books

Bramblestar's Storm/Chapter 3 ~ Silver Nomination
Alright, I have nothing to do and please tell me no one's nominating this already. My chemistry tests are over, and I need something to rant about. 15:32, November 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * Add a quote
 * Remove the important events section, imo, as per this from awhile back.
 * Patrol is redundant in 1st paragraph
 * Break up the first sentence of the summary; it's a bit of a run-on
 * Towards the end of the first paragraph, Bramblestar and Brackenfur are redundant some
 * Bramblestar is also redundant in other paragraphs as well
 * Littlecloud is redundant in the last paragraph
 * "says" is redundant too; perhaps swap a few with "meows" or something
 * Link border and patrol

Updated 16:05, November 28, 2016 (UTC)

Maybe link 'Twoleg nest' to ThunderClan, since there is a section on it there? If not, I think you should link it to Twoleg Nest. 19:46 Mon Nov 28

Updated 16:26, November 29, 2016 (UTC)

Last thing - Blackstar is pretty redundant in the second paragraph, and "ShadowClan" is too.

Updated 17:33, November 30, 2016 (UTC)


 * For the first paragraph, I am confused by this sentence. What does Squirrelflight suggest? Squirrelflight suggests to double them on the ShadowClan border, and to hunt there more regularly as well. Trespass is also misspelled. Can you put more in about Cinderheart thinking about the Great Battle as it does seem a bit abrupt.


 * For a sentence in the second paragraph: Blackstar then orders Tawnypelt to escort patrol back. there should be the word "the" between escort and patrol.


 * In the third paragraph, I'm not sure if what you mean by "brown tom" is Bramblestar or Littlecloud. Are you able to clarify who is speaking?  Song   heart  22:45, December 1, 2016 (UTC)

Updated I'm confused about the abrupt of Cinderheart thinking about the battle - could you possibly expand on that or give me suggestions what to add to it, since I don't know what you want me to add to that part. 14:06, December 2, 2016 (UTC)

"They cross across the new ThunderClan land that had been gained in the battle where Russetfur died. Cinderheart wonders if the forest will ever recover from the Great Battle." I think what I meant to say here was the sentence seems to imply that Russetfur died in the Great Battle, as it does say the land that ThunderClan gained a while back is "new". Song  heart  21:13, December 4, 2016 (UTC)

Crookedstar's Promise/Chapter 2 ~ Silver Nomination
Again, no one has been working on this so I stole it. Comments? 15:35, November 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * Add a quote
 * Hailstar is redundant in the second paragraph; perhaps replace a few with something different?
 * As the kits watch the RiverClan patrol begin their retreat to camp, Oakkit cries out that the magpie has returned. Try to shorten the intro of this sentence; it's long and kinda wordy.
 * Perhaps go through the summary in general and add a bit more detail to the events. Kinda bad at explaining but I'd go through and expand this in general.

Updated Okay, I have appeared to lost my Crookedstar's Promise copy on the subway and it will take me a day or so to get one from the library, praying that someone didn't already take it out. So I couldn't do the quotes or add details, but I'll do that soon enough. 16:21, November 28, 2016 (UTC)

Updated 23:11, November 29, 2016 (UTC)

Good^^
 * Just break up the first two sentences in the first paragraph a lot; they are major run-ons.
 * In result, he sees the warriors swarming over the gray rocks and hears his father, Shellheart growl how dare they take Sunningrocks.  This sentence seems worded oddly, as it's kinda question-like but in sentence form.. Could you tweak it?
 * Mudfur and Brightsky rush into camp, and Piketooth following with a carp in his mouth. shouldn't it be follows instead of following? Sounds a bit funny
 * Check for past tense throughout
 * As the two kits scamper up the trunk, with the brown tabby kit warning his brother to dig his claws in due to how slippery it is, they finally reach a branch where it was thin enough to dip under the brothers' weight. maybe break this in two; it's a tad long
 * A tabby warrior halts to see Shellheart and his patrol swim through the river, and he bares his teeth, darting to the edge of the patrol.  patrol is redundant
 * RiverClan is redundant in the 3rd paragraph

Sorry for lots of stuff.

Updated 17:29, November 30, 2016 (UTC)
 * In the 1st paragraph, ":Stormkit, hears Rippleclaw announce that ThunderClan has taken Sunningrocks. He races up a fallen tree..."  It's a bit confusing on who 'he' is.
 * Same thing in the 2nd paragraph: "Hailstar comes out of his den, snapping at the deputy's kit to come down from the branch, and he soon follows his order." I know that the 'he' is Stormkit, but could you still make it a bit more clear?
 * "Rippleclaw asks if they're going to let ThunderClan steal all the territory they want, and Echomist defends her mate by retorting that they only want Sunningrocks." Can you specificy who the 'they' is?
 * "Finally, instead of ordering an attack like the Clan wishes, the RiverClan leader finally decides that a group of warriors should Sunningrocks to deliver the message" Having two 'finally's is unneccessary, can you get rid of one of them?
 * "Shellheart immediately charges towards the entrance tunnel to carry out his order" Again the 'his' is a little confusing, you could just make it be 'the order'.
 * "As the two kits scamper up the trunk, with the brown tabby kit warning his brother to dig his claws in due to how slippery it is," Both of them are brown tabbies, so I can't tell if it's Oakkit or Stormkit.
 * " while two ThunderClan warriors pace near the river, both of them alert for any intruding warriors." 'warriors' is redundant, maybe just change the second to 'intruding cats' or 'intruders'?
 * "Shellheart pulls him back and tells Pinestar that he can have the territory for now, as well as helping himself to the prey he finds; but when his Clan wants the territory back, they will fight for it. Without waiting for a response, he plunges back in the river with his Clanmates following nearby." Again, the he's and his's are kind of confusing. Maybe change 'his Clan' to 'RiverClan', and specificy that the 'he' as in 'he plunges back into the river' is Shellheart, either by name or description? 22:25 Thu Dec 1

Updated 14:13, December 2, 2016 (UTC)

In the sentence "Rippleclaw asks if they're going to let ThunderClan steal all the territory they want, and Echomist defends her mate by retorting that the Clan only wants Sunningrocks." I still can't tell who 'the Clan' is - is it ThunderClan or RiverClan? 22:35 Fri Dec 2


 * Shellheart growls how dare they take Sunningrocks, then leaps on (either a or the) willow tree trunk and hurries along one of the boughs that reaches over the water.


 * Link patrol in the second paragraph.


 * Same paragraph: but Troutclaw objects by saying they lost enough battles. Who is "they"?


 * Same paragraph: the RiverClan leader decides that a group of warriors should go to Sunningrocks to deliver the message


 * In the next paragraph, who is the leading kit helping his brother up the branch?


 * Turn this into a separate sentence: when RiverClan wants the territory back, they will fight for it.


 * If possible, put the unnamed ThunderClan warriors, such as the tabby warrior, in the minor characters list? Song   heart  21:29, December 4, 2016 (UTC)

Updated To answer your question :), the "leading kit" is Stormkit, since Oakkit follows him up the branch. One question I have is that "when RiverClan wants the territory back, they will fight for it" - I know I have it in a semicolon to separate it, and it was originally so the two sentences didn't seem choppy and odd when they were on their own... do you have suggestions on how to make it less choppy when I make it a separate sentence? 22:43, December 6, 2016 (UTC)

I think you could clarify who's the leading kit by using a description like 'reddish brown kit' for Oakkit or something, as it's pretty unclear to who that is still. And for the other sentence it doesn't seem too choppy atm, so I'd keep it as-is.

Updated 01:45, December 8, 2016 (UTC)

Comments before vote? 22:19 Fri Dec 9

Cloudstar's Journey/Chapter 7 ~ Silver Nomination
This is pretty minor but: You said "Cloudstar lets out an anguished yowl that this is his home." but the book says that Cloudstar yowls, "My home! My precious home!” I think it would be more accurate if you said, "Cloudstar lets out an anguished yowl for his home.", since he technically isn't stating it is his home but is just sad about what happened to it. 23:22 Tue Dec 6

Updated

Comments before vote? 22:19 Fri Dec 9

There is a typo in the first paragraph: The leader surveys they area.

In the last paragraph, Twoleg's should be spelled as Twolegs' for plural purposes. Song  heart  16:51, December 10, 2016 (UTC)

Updated

Cloudstar's Journey/Chapter 8 ~ Silver Nomination
Last CJ chapter!

CBV? 22:19 Fri Dec 9

January FA
How about Saving the Kits? I honestly can't remember when the last time we did a adventure game thing (even though they have been featured before) And it'd be a good mix-up after doing so many book articles recently. If not, though, we always have CJ.

Hmm, I kinda think it would be nice to do CJ since all of the CJ subpages are now written too. But StK is still fine too. 02:26 Wed Dec 7

I guess CJ would be pretty nice to show - it's like showing off all the hard work users worked on those subpages... how long has it been since we did novellas? I think we mostly did mangas and "regular" books... No, the "how long novella" question isn't rhetorical - someone please answer that for me 02:07, December 8, 2016 (UTC)

since you asked^^ the last one we did was GC, back in May, I'm pretty sure.

I personally think we should do StK just for a little bit of variety. Song  heart  16:56, December 10, 2016 (UTC)

Rising Storm/Chapter 18 ~ Silver Nomination

 * In the first paragraph, the word then seems to be used twice here. Are you able to remove one of them to make the sentence structure flow better? "Yellowfang mews briskly that it won’t be for long, and then she turns to the medicine den to fetch some herbs. The medicine cat then treats Fireheart’s wounds, and he tells her that he’ll be making more patrols to ease the Clan."


 * Second paragraph: Bluestar, Whitestorm, and Mousefur are crouching beside Runningwind’s body, sitting vigil. Song   heart  17:03, December 10, 2016 (UTC)

Updated
 * "The ginger warrior goes back into the clearing and sees that many cats remain awake. Bluestar, Whitestorm, and Mousefur crouching beside Runningwind’s body, sitting vigil" The second sentence is a fragment, could you fix this?
 * A minor inconsistency, but in the characters list, for the unnamed characters, Sorrelkit has no space between '(Unnamed)' and the cite, while Rainkit, Sootkit, and Ravenpaw do. For all other subpages I'm pretty sure there is no space so I think it would be best to get rid of the space after Rain, Soot, and Raven's "unnamed". Either way, though, it should be consistent. 01:40 Sun Dec 11

Bluestar's Prophecy/Chapter 5 - Silver Nomination
I haven't done anything for PB in ages. 00:38, December 10, 2016 (UTC)


 * In the third paragraph near the end, add an "s" at the end of the word apprentice.


 * In the fifth paragraph, near the end, remove the "it" from this sentence: invites her to come to the Gathering that it is to be held that night. Song   heart  17:13, December 10, 2016 (UTC)

Updated. 18:05, December 10, 2016 (UTC)

The Warriors Guide ~ Silver Nomination
Just the main article; did it in the summary format of other field guides. Kinda... has the exact same sections as sotc; dunno if it needs cliffnotes cause of that.

If it has the exact same information as SotC, then I don't think it needs the cliffnotes page.

A Dangerous Path/Chapter 9 ~ Silver Nomination
I literally love the quote on this one so much