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| + | ==[[The Sight/Chapter 25]]== |
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| + | It took three songs by NIVIRO, an artist I don't like that much, my stomach tying itself in knots, some extreme manifesting, and elbow grease to write this bad boy. Glad I lived somewhat. {{User:Potato Flakin/Sig2|22:58, 8/22/2021}} |
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Revision as of 22:58, 22 August 2021
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Blackfoot's Reckoning/Cliffnotes - Silver Nomination
I know it's 6 nominations, but per Max's comment^^ ~Coralflame暗黒 絶望23:44, 13 July 2021 (UTC)
Seeing as it is a sixth nomination, I think it can wait until one of the others go up for vote - to follow the rules. I'll put a hold on commenting for this one. — max it is the real thing, (00:13, 14/7/2021)
Of course, and sorry about accidentally deleting this a moment ago. ~Coralflame暗黒 絶望01:09, 14 July 2021 (UTC)
For when this comes out of its holding status: these should really be expanded. I'm not sure where the "these need to be super short" thing came from, but I really think these are too short in general. —Jayce(16:50, 7/20/2021)
This should be fine to comment on now, I meant to leave a comment about it earlier, whoops. — max it is the real thing, (22:08, 20/7/2021)
- In Chapter One's notes: injuries can be linked. For the 5th bulletpoint specifically (the one with Firestar), I would suggest adding something like "mistakes regarding Stonefur" since the sentence is really vague in the sense that if someone hadn't read the book, they would have no idea what mistakes.
- In Chapter Two's notes: For the 5th bulletpoint, maybe put something like "Later" in front of the sentence to establish the small time gap.
- In Chapter Three's notes: "Clanamtes" should be "Clanmates" lol.
- In Chapter Four's notes: Maybe add a bulletpoint after the bulletpoint talking about Fernshade's concerns saying that her brothers reassure her of Badgerpaw's protection, or something like that (since these do need to be expanded and such).
I think that's all I've got, but I definitely second Jayce's point in the fact that a lot of the chapters' notes need to be expanded. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(19:33, 24 July 2021 (UTC))
Still working, Coral? — max it is the real thing, (09:21, 03/8/2021)
Declined due to lack of work, Coral. This can always be posted again in the following days. — max it is the real thing, (05:17, 15/8/2021)
Twilight/Chapter 14 - Silver Nomination
i tried- -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 22:20, 25 July 2021
'Clan' in the first paragraph could be capitalized and linked to General Clan information, and Mousefur could be added to the minor characters section. ♡ Dharma ♡ «00:01, 7/26/21»
Updated.-River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 00:07, 26 July 2021
Remove the {{CS}} from the Notes and references section, and add {{Reflist}} in its place. There also seems to be leftover reference coding that shouldn't be there. Av Out of sight and out of mind (16:45, 7/26/2021)
Updated. -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 17:03, 26 July 2021
Just a tiny minor thing, the chapter image should be NP-RRChapter-5.png. When in doubt, have a quick look at chapters either before or after the one you're working on to get an idea of what might the image for your chapter. If that doesn't work, feel free to let someone know in the nomination and they'll be happy to add it in for you :D — max it is the real thing, (09:23, 03/8/2021)
Updated. I'll do that in the future, thanks Max! -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 20:52, 3 August 2021 (UTC)
The Blazing Star (book)/Chapter 15 - Silver Nomination
♡ Dharma ♡ «19:18, 7/27/21»
- "But the conversation" I think is somewhat repetitive, seeing as the previous sentence also uses 'but'. Perhaps saying "Their conversation" might work better?
- Den in the first paragraph could be linked to Camp.
- Clear Sky's territory can be linked to "the forest territories#SkyClan", in the second paragraph.
- Forest cats could also be linked to General Clan information?
- Third paragraph cats can be linked.
— max it is the real thing, (01:29, 08/8/2021)
- Camp is already linked in the first sentence.
- Also, if you do link forest cats to General Clan information, there is another mention of cats in the 3rd line of the 2nd paragraph, so that would be linked?
Nice job on this one! —Døestrikechapsrubpage(15:07, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Still working, Sun? — max it is the real thing, (05:17, 15/8/2021)
Cliffnotes intro phrasing
So, way back when, someone decided that the intro to the cliffnotes should be "brief"... when that's hardly ever the actual case here. I was talking to Max the one day about it, and I'm going to suggest that we actually remove that and possibly rephrase the opening to the cliffnotes pages in general, and possibly implement some kind of guideline about their lengths. If you compare older ones and newer ones, you'll see that there's a very big difference between them, and I feel like we should be on the same page here with them. Some of these, even newer ones in some cases, are extremely short and seem kinda brief... while they don't need to be as expansive as the chapter subpages, I do believe making them longer wouldn't be a bad thing. —Jayce(04:19, 7/28/2021)
Maybe it's because I'm not super active in PB, but could you provide some examples? Either some of the older cliffnotes with intros that you would like to see implemented throughout, or a rough draft version of what you have in mind? Vec I am Iron Man! 👾 12:44, 30 July 2021 (UTC)
I don't have a rough draft, but I can possibly come up with one! Also, the introduction is a template that we could just tweak. I didn't want to go and do it without discussing it with everyone though. As for examples: I'll use Into the Wild and The Last Hope for this. Despite them being major books in the franchise, with one being the first book in the entire series, and one of them being the book where Firestar dies and we have the great Dark Forest battle... don't you feel these summaries are a bit lackluster? I'm not saying extend all of them to what I did with Squirrelflight's Hope (lbr here, I overdid it so no one would need to read the book), but perhaps more along the lines of what is here for Thunder Rising? The First Battle is another excellent example of what I mean here. I think we should have a basic requirement outlining the length of the cliffnotes pages, because if I'm looking at Into the Wild, I'm not really able to understand what is going on, it's barely even a summary. Many readers use our cliffnotes and subpages and articles if they cannot gain access to a book, so we should be doing our very best to reflect that. —Jayce(17:15, 7/30/2021)
Yes, I agree with the part about most of the cliffnotes pages being super short/brief. I've noticed it too, and when I first tried working on cliffnotes pages, I thought the idea was for them to be brief as well, which does not help the reader that much at all compared to longer cliffnotes like the ones for The First Battle and Thunder Rising. In my opinion, longer ones are just better, obviously like you pointed out, they don't have to be "chapter subpage length", but the super short ones don't cover all of the main parts of specific chapters or the whole book in general. Also, if a reader thinks that a specific cliffnotes page is too long or lengthy for them to read, the actual book page is a good option for them imo. I believe that the template should be tweaked to change the "brief" part, as like you said, it can be very misleading. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(17:28, 31 July 2021 (UTC))
For some reason I thought you were just talking about the template introduction at the top, whoops. But thanks for the examples, it really helps me see what you mean. Into the Wild and The Last Hope are kinda brief for major milestones in the arcs. There's definitely a difference between being "brief" and being "bare-boned", the latter of which I feel adequately describes the two cliffnotes mentioned above. Vec I am Iron Man! 👾 17:30, 1 August 2021 (UTC)
Agreeing with above, as the recent trend of short cliffnotes almost defeats the purpose of what a cliffnotes is supposed to be used for. I actually use them a lot for when I'm looking for quick chapter cites, or even for art references as it saves me the time of either reading a full subpage, or finding the book somewhere. I think changing the wording of the introduction will help a lot, and having an additional section in our guidelines to dictate appropriate lengths for cliffnotes.
Main series ones, in the length of what has been shown already as examples are pretty good. They are digestable and help a reader understand the essential points of action within the chapters. Super Editions, I feel, will tend to be a bit lengthier due to the nature of the books themselves and I'm looking at Squirrelflight's Hope as a good, recent example of the sort of length that is achievable with these books. Graphic novels too, they're interesting because there is nothing but action and important dialogue, but something like The Rise of Scourge could be an example of what can be done with those. — max it is the real thing, (01:36, 08/8/2021)
Twilight/Chapter 20 - Silver Nomination
I’m not sure if I would call Leafpool and Crowfeather “medicine cats” and “WindClan warriors” because they leave their clans. -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 17:43, 28 July 2021
This is really good, River, just a couple of points that need to be addressed:
- Remove the inuse template.
- Remove the spaces between the hyphen and page numbers in the infobox.
- Link badger and attack in the main quote.
- Most of these paragraphs can be merged, and some sentences are choppy and could be combined with the use of the oxford comma or semicolon.
- ThunderClan needs to be linked in the first paragraph.
- Mate needs to be linked in paragraph two.
- Leafpool, who is relieved, springs off and drinks from the pool, the doing reminding her of the Moonpool - could you rephrase that last part of the sentence? Perhaps change the comma to a semicolon and change "the doing reminding" to "doing so reminding."
- Rabbit can be linked to prey in paragraph three.
- In paragraph three, the WindClan warrior can be changed to Crowfeather so the reader knows who you are addressing.
- Dream can be linked to Propechies and omens in paragraph three.
- StarClan needs to be linked in paragraph four.
- Sun-drown-place and Clans need to be linked in paragraph five.
- Clans and/or Clan needs to be capitalized a few times in the last paragraph.
- Remove the "minor" section in the Characters heading, it doesn't necessarily need to be there if there are no minor characters.
- Clans needs to be capitalized in the Important events section.
- Remove the CS template in Notes and references, and put Reflist in its place.
Av Out of sight and out of mind (20:36, 7/28/2021)
Updated, thanks Potato! -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 21:44, 28 July 2021
You forgot to link attack in the Main Quote (to Battle against the badgers (TNP)) and link "camps" in the last paragraph. Also, for the main characters section, the {{Mclist}} template really doesn't need to have 3 columns, 2 or 1 will do^^ —Døestrikechapsrubpage(15:15, 29 July 2021 (UTC))
Updated. :) -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 17:16, 29 July 2021
Chapter image is NP-RRChapter-1.png as well :) — max it is the real thing, (09:24, 03/8/2021)
Updated. -River she/they 🔮 be a warrior, not a worrier 20:54, 3 August 2021 (UTC)
Cat can be linked in the first paragraph. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(15:08, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Updated. ~river we were like angels in mist 20:39, 10 August 2021 (UTC)
The Place of No Stars (book)/Chapter 11 - Silver Nomination
—Døestrikechapsrubpage(14:52, 3 August 2021 (UTC))
The error about Leafstar saying that Leafpool and Squirrelflight can be reworded imo. Like “Leafstar states that Squirrelflight and Leafpool had spent some time with the Sisters, when it was actually herself and Squirrelflight who had spent time living with the Sisters.” ~river we were like angels in mist 18:30, 3 August 2021 (UTC)
Updated. I also removed the inuse template. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(23:15, 3 August 2021 (UTC))
Just wanted to say, the chapter image should be File:TBC-Chapter-2.png; and when in doubt, have a quick look at chapters either before or after the one you're working on to get an idea of what might the image for your chapter. If that doesn't work, feel free to let someone know in the nomination and they'll be happy to add it in for you.
- Main quote needs to be linked to TPONS and the correct page number.
- I think the instance of "Shocked" can be removed, as it seems like a direct action from the book. I also believe the sentence you've got there will work without that phrase there.
- Might just be me, but I do think your third and fourth paragraphs can be combined, as well as the the last two.
— max it is the real thing, (22:48, 13/8/2021)
Updated. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(23:34, 13 August 2021 (UTC))
Sunset/Chapter 17 - Silver Nomination
— max it is the real thing, (01:21, 08/8/2021)
- Leafpool can be linked in the first sentence.
- In the third paragraph, twolegs needs to be capitalized.
Also, in the important events section, maybe add something like Brambleclaw is made deputy of ThunderClan, if you think so? (Maybe it doesn't need to be added since there's the ceremony section, but still XD) —Døestrikechapsrubpage(15:12, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Updated I just thought the ceremony was enough, but I added a little onto the sentence there. — max it is the real thing, (09:06, 12/8/2021)
Sunset/Chapter 19 - Silver Nomination
— max it is the real thing, (01:21, 08/8/2021)
- Moon can be linked to Clan terminology (first paragraph).
- "Suite" should be spelled suit I think (second paragraph).
- In the Important events, could you add "that" between Leafpool and Cinderkit? Oh and maybe add Mothwing telling Leafpool about Hawkfrost revealing to her that he faked her sign.
—Døestrikechapsrubpage(20:05, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Updated — max it is the real thing, (09:06, 12/8/2021)
Graystripe's Adventure (arc) - Silver Nomination
I have never done, or seen an arc be nominated so please help me. — max it is the real thing, (01:21, 08/8/2021)
I think this looks good. Would you mind reuploading a better version of it? I've done that already with the main arc ones, but not the graphic novel ones (such as File:Reprinted-TPB-Arc.png). Could you also provide backup links for the webpages you referenced? Could you also use HarperCollins links instead of Amazon as well? Vec I am Iron Man! 👾 16:57, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
Updated Think I got them all, please lemme know if I missed any. — max it is the real thing, (09:06, 12/8/2021)
- Clan can be linked in the little thingy at the top "...as he must find his way back to his Clan after being taken by Twolegs."
- In the concept development, Clan would be unlinked.
In the "Summary" section:
- kittypet can be linked in the first paragraph. Millie can be linked as well. "Named" can be linked to Names (or Cat names, I've seen both being linked to, not sure which is the right one).
- In the second paragraph, "new territories" can be linked to The lake territories.
—Døestrikechapsrubpage(22:41, 14 August 2021 (UTC))
Updated, Millie and the lake territories are already linked before those mentions. — max it is the real thing, (23:05, 14/8/2021)
The Place of No Stars (book)/Chapter 20 - Silver Nomination
—Døestrikechapsrubpage(03:09, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
I just noticed this page isn't actually finished? Have you nominated the right article, Doe? — max it is the real thing, (05:35, 08/8/2021)
Yes, it was late last night, and I didn't check if the article was actually good for nominating (because I thought it was finished), but I've finished it now and this should be good for critiques? —Døestrikechapsrubpage(12:50, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Erm, not quite, Doe.
- Remove the inuse template.
- The main quote phrasing seems kinda off? It doesn't read right. I suggest changing it to "Graystripe sharing his trust with Bristlefrost." Also, Fading Echoes needs to be changed to The Place of No Stars.
- Add the chapter image to the chapter box.
- Add the page numbers to the chapter box and the chapintro.
- There is a second chapter description heading that needs to be nuked.
- The beginning paragraphs can be combined.
- A lot of sentences feel a tad choppy and can be combined overall, either with some light rephrasing, the oxford comma, or with a semicolon.
- Before leaving however, Graystripe turns to Bristlefrost, saying that even though he could get answers out of her, he's not going to, because he trusts her to do what's right for her Clan, and a special SkyClan warrior. - this is quite long, and the last part doesn't make sense?
- There is an extra space between the chapter description and character headings.
Av Out of sight and out of mind (13:52, 8/08/2021)
Updated. Just a few things; About the sentences being choppy, I don't see that many, only a couple which I believe are fine since there needs to be a bit of variety. If you have any in mind, feel free to tell me! Oh, and for the main quote, the reason it was Fading Echoes was because I put "|source=" instead of "|ref=" so it switched to the default one, which is Fading Echoes. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(15:04, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Squirrelflight's Hope/Chapter 7 - Silver Nomination
—Døestrikechapsrubpage(03:13, 8 August 2021 (UTC))
Rejoin
Hi! Is it ok for me to rejoin this project? —Sakura ✧.* (19:51, 10 August 2021 (UTC))
Of course Starry! Welcome back, and if needed have a read over the project's guidelines :D — max it is the real thing, (05:17, 15/8/2021)
Twilight/Chapter 21 - Silver Nomination
Av Out of sight and out of mind (21:26, 8/15/2021)
Twilight/Chapter 22 - Silver Nomination
Av Out of sight and out of mind (22:25, 8/15/2021)
Twilight/Chapter 24 - Silver Nomination
Av Out of sight and out of mind (00:20, 8/16/2021)
Daisy's Kin/Chapter 5 - Silver Nomination
I will add the chapter image soon; have to go for now. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(13:21, 16 August 2021 (UTC))
Added the chapter image. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(14:19, 16 August 2021 (UTC))
Squirrelflight's Hope/Chapter 9 - Silver Nomination
Wasn't sure if I am supposed to link everything in the Errors section; did it anyway :). —Døestrikechapsrubpage(20:00, 16 August 2021 (UTC))
If the links are already present in the summary, you don't need to link them. Also, remove the Inuse template. — max it is the real thing, (21:12, 16/8/2021)
Updated. —Døestrikechapsrubpage(01:23, 17 August 2021 (UTC))
The Sight/Chapter 21 - Silver Nomination
The amount of characters in this chapter makes my eyes hurt. Av Out of sight and out of mind (18:46, 8/21/2021)
- Link she-cat to Clan terminology.
That's all I've got. :) —Døestrikechapsrubpage(19:41, 21 August 2021 (UTC))
Updated Av Out of sight and out of mind (20:29, 8/21/2021)
The Sight/Chapter 25
It took three songs by NIVIRO, an artist I don't like that much, my stomach tying itself in knots, some extreme manifesting, and elbow grease to write this bad boy. Glad I lived somewhat. Av Out of sight and out of mind (22:58, 8/22/2021)